Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk

I don’t want to be an F anymore.  Isn’t there some sort of pill I could take to become a T?  Hell, while we’re at it, let’s just reverse all of the letters to my personality.  What would I be like as an ESTP, you wonder?  Well, wonder no more!  The internet will tell us!

ESTPs are outgoing, straight-shooting types. Enthusiastic and excitable, ESTPs are “doers” who live in the world of action. Blunt, straight-forward risk-takers, they are willing to plunge right into things and get their hands dirty. They live in the here-and-now, and place little importance on introspection or theory. They look at the facts of a situation, quickly decide what should be done, execute the action, and move on to the next thing.

That could be fun.  Being quick, decisive and detached sounds pretty great right now.  I Googled “personality altering” and got a bunch of hits having to do with cats.  A little confused, I slightly switched my search to “altering your personality.”  Again with the cats.  Apparently there is some rare sort of cat parasite that, if entered into humans, can alter personality.

Infected men, suggests one new study, tend to become more aggressive, scruffy, antisocial and are less attractive. Women, on the other hand, appear to exhibit the “sex kitten” effect, becoming less trustworthy, more desirable, fun- loving and possibly more promiscuous.

A cat parasite that makes men scruffy?  Is this a pretend parasite?

I then went to Wikihow and searched “how to change your personality.”  The resulting article kind of worries me (especially that first tip)…

Want to change your whole personality? Think that your right-now personality is just annoying, too happy, too sad, etc.? Here’s a way to change that!

  • Figure out what you want your new self to be like. Mysterious? Preppy? Funny? Then figure out what changes will be made.
  • Distinguish what is it you like about others that you want to emulate. Don’t just look at a person and say “Yep, I want to be like that.” Find out exactly what it is that you admire–How they handle a situation, or their word choice? Make sure to write all this stuff down in a notebook.
  • Pick out the characteristics you want. Write down the parts of the character you want to be. Make sure to also write down how the character responds. Maybe you like the way they respond to certain situations, how they treat others, making friends, a bully, etc.
  • Look the part. You don’t have to go out and get a new wardrobe, but maybe adding some new jewelry or changing the way your hair looks, changing the way you smile, laugh, hold yourself, anything.
  • Make changes to the way you talk. Does your voice quiver when you’re mad, or do you talk loudly, or quietly. Practice changing your voice and try to keep the way of talking for a while before doing the next steps.
  • Change your attitude. Do you want to be preppy and happy towards things, or funny and clever, or do you want to be spunky and hard? It may take time to get used to that, so take your time changng it and take it step by step.
  • Break any bad habits that you may be doing. They are figments of your old personality, and if you want a better personality, make the way you act better.

I didn’t know that “preppy” was a personality type.  Oh, internet, you teach me something new every day.  You do not, however, provide detailed information regarding a magical solution to my personality-change problem.  Minus five, internet.  Minus five.

3 thoughts on “Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk

  1. Whoo! Can I get some of that cat parasite over here?
    I just heard a Slate podcast on Yahoo! Answers. Apparently, you ask a question and then people on the internet without anything better to do write a response. You could ask that. You'd get a lot of advice.
    I have no advice on how to be a "thinker" and detach from one's emotions as I have a similar condition.
    If you wanted to generally more outgoing, you could do something like take a public speaking course or join an improv group. ::shrug::

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