Please leave me alone.
No, I do not think it’s amazing that we “have a lot in common.” Surprisingly enough, I am not flattered by or swooning over your drunken advances, libidinous gestures, and annoying bravado.
I do not wish to be lied to or hit on. The chances of my sleeping with you are an emphatic slim to none, no matter what you say or how charmingly you think you might be saying it: it ain’t happening. Your trying is only an embarrassment to yourself and a detriment to the chances of all future men.
PS – And no, this doesn’t mean I’m into girls. I know what you’re thinking, and no, that isn’t happening either. Stop leering.
That first letter wasn’t for you.
I think you’re aces.