I had a conversation with a co-worker last night at work about this subject and since this is my blog and I can post whatever the hell I feel like, I’m going to talk about it on here and sort out all my thoughts.
I am a virgin. (I’ll just throw that out there immediately for the one or two people reading this that didn’t know.) That statement usually meets a lot of surprise, which I can understand seeing as in today’s society you’d be hard-pressed to find a 16-year-old who’s a virgin, let alone someone who is 26. But that’s a completely separate rant of mine.
So why am I a virgin? I grew up in a Christian household and the whole “saving sex for marriage” thing was ingrained into me from day one. While yes, I do still have a biblical background to my reasoning, it’s taken a backseat to a more predominant way of thinking. Plain and simple: I want my husband to be the only person I’ve had sex with. I want him to be secure in the knowledge that I loved and respected him so much, before even having known him, that I saved this gift for him and only him. Not only is it freakin’ romantic, but it ensures that I won’t have any sexual baggage. He’ll never have to wonder, “Did someone do this better than me?” or “Did she wish I did it like so-and-so?” or “How many partners has she had?”
Now, people have tried to present me with many arguments to my way of thinking. I’m also going to address those.
But what if you marry the guy and he’s really bad in bed?
Maybe he will be. Maybe I will be. But it’s not like it’s a permanent condition–you can learn. Besides, what would I have to compare it to? But seriously, I think that if a truly deep emotional connection is there, there’s no such thing as “bad in bed.”
Guys don’t want someone who’s inexperienced. You need to know what you’re doing.
Au contraire. In my experience, guys find virgins very…erotic. I’ve yet to get a reaction along the lines of, “Ew! Get away from me, you virgin witch-hag.”
But if he sleeps with lots of people before you meet, wouldn’t you feel cheated?
No. While it would be ideal to marry another virgin, it’s my personal choice and not something I can expect from anyone. And it’s a gift–you don’t give a gift expecting something in return.
You make it sound like it’s this awesome thing you’re doing. Guys don’t care about stuff like that and it won’t mean as much to him as you think it will.
It’s all right that it doesn’t mean anything to you. It will mean something to my husband, and he’s the only person I’m doing it for.
What if you never get married?
Statistically speaking, the odds are in my favor that I will marry. The percentage of people who marry greatly outnumber those that never do. Also, this is a “what if” question, and I hate those. They’re pointless. What if I die before marrying? What if I’m involved in an automobile accident that leaves me paraplegic? That’s not a strong enough argument to make me abandon my whole belief and run out and have sex with the first guy I see in a bar.
How can you do this? Isn’t it hard?
Well, duh. It’s incredibly hard. It wouldn’t mean much if it were easy, now would it?
I’ve probably missed an argument, so if you have one feel free to send it my way. I can handle it.
4 thoughts on “The V-word”
Well, as a virgin who married a virgin, obviously I can't argue with you. 🙂
Even if someone doesn't choose to stay a virgin until marriage, I think there is a lot of value in waiting for sex until you've been in a relationship for a while. People have sex way too early. I think there is a psychological benefit that is non-religious when you wait for a while. Once you're with someone for a while, you develop a sense of trust and you know the other person is really interested in you and not just in sex.
Also, being a virgin doesn't mean you don't understand how your body works! And when you're in a long-term relationship, you have plenty of time to work out the details. 🙂
yay! i've been waiting a long time to hear your conviction in this matter again. I was worried for a while, but you've obviously had time to think about it again. i'm so happy for you! don't let this falter even though "all your friends are doing it." lol… you know what i mean, without it sounding like cocaine.
I am proud of your conviction as well as I also hold the same one 🙂 so now we have that as well as liking soccer 🙂 hehe I hope all is well cuz 🙂
I completely respect you for your choice. And ya know what? If you ever change your mind, that's ok too. Because bottom line? It's your body and your life and only you can choose what to do with your body and your life.