Guest: “It’s chilly outside and there is a homeless man outside. Security won’t let him come inside, but could I have a blanket to give him?”
Me: “No, I’m sorry. Blankets are for hotel guests only.”
Guest: “Let me ask you something–are you a Christian person?”
Me: “I am.”
Guest: “What would Jesus do? Wouldn’t He show compassion on this poor man?”
Me: “Hotel policy, sir. Blankets are for hotel guests only.”
He kept trying to persuade me, but I walked away from him. He returned a few minutes later with a second man to ask again.
2nd Guest: “We just want to give him a blanket.”
Me: “Sir, if it really was so cold outside, the homeless man can walk the three or so blocks to the mission. There are places he could stay, other than outside the front entrance of a hotel.”
First of all, the way to induce me to be compassionate is not to lecture me about it. Secondly, if the owner of the hotel found out I gave some homeless dude a blanket, I’d lose my job. The hotel has a very strict no-tolerance policy regarding homeless. Homeless people are always trying to sneak into the hotel, they ask hotel guests for money, they throw pens at me, they try to get money for returning key cards, they lie in an effort to get up to one of the floors, they tell me they work for the government on nuclear devices, etc, etc, etc.
Yes, I’m sure that if I were Jesus I wouldn’t hesitate to give a man a blanket. Of course, if I were the Son of God I doubt I’d be too terribly concerned with keeping my job.
Next time I find myself in this sort of situation, I hope it will go something like this:
Guest: “Are you a Christian person?”
Me: “No, I’m a Satanist. And the Prince of Darkness hates the homeless.”
I just want to see the look on their face.