The Guy from Belgium

I got an email from some guy in Belgium. I don’t normally get email from Belgium and so I was intrigued. Apparently, he had gotten my email through some social website I had forgotten I even had an account on. Anyway, he was nice at first and we just chatted about things in our countries and things like that. Well, today I got an email from him with a list of questions. Among them:

  • Do You Trust Me?
  • Can You Understand Me In Any Situation?
  • Do You Have A Boyfriend?
  • Can You Fall In Love With Me?
  • Can You Cook?
  • Can You Share Your Bed and House With Only One Man?

Now, stop me if I’m wrong here, but I’ve only received three e-mails from this guy. And in my book, that’s rushing into things. I figured I would just answer “yes” to that boyfriend question and put a stop to this nonsense once and for all.  So I replied, ignoring the other questions, and told him that I have a boyfriend and that I wish him luck in finding his soulmate… yada yada yada. I didn’t expect to hear from him again after that, but the very next day he emailed me back.

He told me that getting my email made his day and that he had a dream about me. He said he wants to hear what my hopes and dreams are. And he wants to tell me his, but only if I want to hear them, because he doesn’t want me to think he’s crazy.

Too late for that, buddy.
 He asked me for my address and phone number so he can write me real letters and talk on the phone with me. Yeah, I don’t think so. I’m not that big of an idiot, but thanks.

I really thought that he’d be deterred by my imaginary boyfriend. What guy wouldn’t back off when he found out the girl is taken? A girl across the Atlantic ocean whom you’ve never met, no less. But I think he has to translate my emails, so maybe I should give him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps, “I have a boyfriend, don’t write to me anymore” is a close translation to “Take me I’m yours, you hunky Belgian stud muffin”.

6 thoughts on “The Guy from Belgium

  1. Isn't there a way we can all benefit from this?
    I read the post about the 60-year-old guy … and I gotta tell you, in addition to leading a very entertaining life (entertaining to those of us who get to hear about it, at any rate), I have to believe that there's something in your nature that's just profoundly attractive to a certain type of person. Surely there's a way to capitalize on that?
    At the very least, everything Mary says about Belgian beer is true! Check out this link. I'm going to restrain myself from going on at great length about altbier or any of the abbey ales. But … would it violate any of your moral principles to send the guy a PO box number that I could supply you and tell him that you really can't make up your mind about falling in love with him until he sends you a case of Chimay?
    No pressure …

    • Re: Isn't there a way we can all benefit from this?
      RS, I desperately needed that laugh right now. Thank you.
      I've always heard that everyone is attractive to someone. So, trying to be optimistic, I figure I have good odds of someone out there finding me attractive. Apparently those people are retired or creepy Belgian guys.

      • Re: Isn't there a way we can all benefit from this?
        Well, at least the creepy guys that are attracted to you are separated from you by an ocean. I am attractive to older, creepy latino guys, which are abundant in DC and the surrounding suburban areas. Plus, I take the bus and they definitely take the bus. I think it's because I'm very voluptuous (read: P.H.A.T. – Plenty of Hips And Tits) in a way that most minority women are voluptuous. One of the bus drivers for the Bethesda free shuttle gave me his number a couple of weeks ago and he's probably in his mid to late 40's. The only exception to this happened a few weeks ago. I got on a bus and the only seat open was next to an older, white gentleman (probably between 60 and 70). He was very nice and spoke with what seemed to be an Eastern European accent. This is what he said:
        "I don't mean to bother you but you are a beautiful woman. You are perfect the way you are. You don't need to lose any weight. I think the men now a days are crazy. I say to my son, 'Why do you want to take out these women who are like broomsticks? How can you dance with them?' The men now do not appreciate a woman like yourself. I don't mean to bother but I just wanted to say that."
        That left me feeling pretty good but still, sometimes I wish I was back in the Botticelli period. I would be some hot! I would be one fine piece of woman.

        • Re: Isn't there a way we can all benefit from this?
          That is really sweet what that guy said. Yeah, I would definitely like to go back to a time where skinny was ugly. What's wrong with people? "Back in the day" being skinny meant you were poor and low-class.

What do you think?