Teri, Queen of Denial

“Teri, you have to accept the fact that you’re a woman and that you have hips,” Paige says as I frown into the dressing room mirror at the jeans I’m trying on.

I’ve always tried to find pants that de-emphasized this particular attribute of mine–meaning that my pants are always too large for me.  I walked into a Lane Bryant store yesterday and, as I was trying on pants, a sales lady approached me.

Her: “Those pants are all wrong for you.  Did you get sized?”
Me: “No, I’m just trying different things on.”
Her: “Well those pants are for people with big hips.”
Me: [I look down] “But I thought I had big hips.”
Her: “No, I mean big hips.” [She grabs at the fabric at my hips.] “See all this that I can grab?  You don’t have big hips.”
Me: [Skeptical] “Okay…”

She lead me to another section of jeans and I tried on the new pairs.  Admittedly, they did fit pretty well, but were a little clingier than I would have liked throughout the leg/hip area.  I was assured, however, by the sales lady and Paige that they looked good.  And they felt good.  I bought two pairs.

So yeah.  I’m a woman.  And I have hips.  Also, a book quiz:

1. One book that changed your life.
Honestly, “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom drastically changed how I look at things.

2. One book that you’ve read more than once.
Tolkien’s “The Hobbit”

3. One book you’d want on a desert island.
I’m going to copy the people who’ve answered before me and will say something in the vein of a survival guide.  A “For Dummies” to deserted island survival would be pretty helpful.

4. One book that made you laugh.
David Sedaris’s “Dress Your Family in Corderoy and Denim”

5. One book that made you cry.
“The Kite Runner” by Khaled Hosseini

6. One book that you wish had been written.
Island Survival for Dummies?  What kind of question is this?

7. One book that you wish had never been written.
Dan Brown’s “The DaVinci Code/Angels and Demons/Digital Fortress/Deception Point”.  And, yes, it’s one book.

8. One book you’re currently reading.
“You Suck! : A Love Story” by Christopher Moore

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read.
Thomas Pynchon’s “Gravity’s Rainbow”.  I started it.  Got 150-200 pages into it.  And put it down for something lighter.  I really want to finish the damn thing.

Bonus question: What book scared you the most?
Hands down, Stephen King’s “The Shining”.  I couldn’t use a bathroom with a closed shower curtain for months after reading that book.

4 thoughts on “Teri, Queen of Denial

  1. Oh hips…..Damn you!
    I'm 5'3" with full hips and short little legs. Jeans are a joke for me. I could almost buy capris and have them fit better than my jeans. If your jeans read "short/petite" that means they're still made for someone at least 5'5" w/ no hips. Ass holes.

    • You should seriously try Lane Bryant–they have this new sizing system. The pants are sized by numbers 1 through 7 and have three color codes:
      Yellow – no hips
      Red – curvy (me)
      Blue – serious hips

  2. LOL… I love Christopher Moore. I think I've read all but one of his. I think the newest one, or next to newest one, about the Grim Reaper baby, is his best.

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