I just spoke with a guest named Wilbert Gilbert. You have to wonder what in the hell his parents were on when they named him. That’s just mean. He must go by Will. I mean, he has to.
Days like today make me hate being a girl. I was walking to KFC with Tim and Josh. We passed two men who immediately started calling out at me. Uh, very crudely. Tim and Josh were talking to each other and did not hear them. We got our food and as we walked home, we had to pass the two men again.
Stupid Man: [to Josh] “Hey man, got any change?”
Josh: “No, sorry.”
Stupid Man: “How ’bout sharing a piece of her then?”
Again, Tim and Josh did not hear them. Half a block away I told them what had been said and they both apologized and offered to turn around and beat the crap out of the guy. I appreciated the gesture.
Instances like that make me wish that I weren’t a woman. Or at least that I was confrontational enough to have looked Mr. McSleeze up and down and laugh derisively. First wish if I ever happen upon a magic genie lamp: a set of metaphoric balls. Genies get metaphor, right? Second wish: lots of money. And, uh, third: World Peace. ::does cheesy Miss America wave::