I would like to meet the Amazon employee who decided to add Ensenda to their list of delivery companies.  I would use some kind of chemical [or magic] to sicken their kidneys and then ship a donor kidney to them via Ensenda, so that they could die waiting for their package.  [Check out Pissed Consumer for LOTS more anger and bitterness directed toward Ensenda by people who are not me. ]

I decided to get a little wrist rest pad for my mouse.  Found a good one on Amazon for $8 that qualified for Amazon Prime.  Excellent.  I decided to have it shipped to my work address, because sometimes I have trouble getting packages at home.  I have never had a single, solitary problem getting packages at work.

Enter Ensenda.

I was supposed to get my package last Thursday, the 16th.  When I didn’t, I tracked the package only to discover a delivery attempt was made at 4:30 but the “destination was closed”.  Some mere fluke, I thought.  I will get my package tomorrow!

Friday rolls around.  No package.  Again, when tracking I see another delivery attempted message at 3:30 with the same “destination closed” note.

Now, lest you think my office was closing early, I will let you all know that my office building is actually open [and staffed by security] 24 hours a day, seven days a week.  That this driver continues to say “destination closed” means that he is either lazy or a complete moron.

So I called Ensenda on Saturday morning.  I told them that this driver is either lazy or a complete moron and my building is open 24/7.  They “leave a note” and tell me the package is out for delivery today.  Hooray!

It was not out for delivery on Saturday.

Monday another attempt was made at 4pm and despite my “note” again the driver indicated “destination closed”.  I called again, pretty pissed off by this point.  They kept telling me they were leaving notes [for all the good it seemed to do] and that they would “personally follow up” with this case to make sure I would receive my package on Tuesday.

There was no delivery attempt made on Tuesday at all…according to their tracking, it never left the main shipping center.

Which brings me to today.  Almost a week since I should have received my package.  I called them again this morning… The driver now [theoretically] has my cell phone number and work phone number.  Tracking says my package is out for delivery.  I decided to work late and stay at my desk until one of three things happened:

1. I get my damn package
2. The tracking status changes from “out for delivery” to “delivery attempted: destination closed”
3. Six o’clock.  There’s no good reason to stay at work later than 6pm, package or no.

I am surprised to report that number 1 was the winner today.  At 5pm.  I also sent an angry email to Amazon letting them know that my choosing them for future purchases will be heavily swayed by this Ensenda experience.  They responded, though I am not sure that they read my email, for they announced they were sorry that I could not receive my package and have shipped another to me, free of charge.  So there’s that, I guess.

I never believed the day would come when I would prefer FedEx.  To actually long for the half-assery that is a FedEx delivery.  Thanks to Ensenda, that day is here.

In such a good mood today!  The weather is absolutely gorgeous and it is a Pay Day! [I capitalized it to express its importance.]  A bunch of us went out for lunch today in order to enjoy the great weather.  I even splurged on a [decaf] beverage from Starbucks, thanks to my Christmas-present-giftcard from my boss.

In more literary news, I recently finished Michael Chabon’s “The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay” [Goodreads rating = 2 stars for "not that big a fan"],  Harlan Coben’s “Deal Breaker” [Goodreads rating = 3 stars for "meh"] and Emma Donaghue’s “Room” [Goodreads rating = also 3 stars for "meh"].  Room wasn’t a bad book, but I certainly do not think it lived up to all the hype about it on the book’s cover.  It was interesting though, narrating from the point of view of a five-year-old.

With all that “meh” going on, I figured I better step it up a notch and read something really good.  I picked Stephen King’s “Under the Dome.” About 100 pages in and it is promising.  I am hopeful that it is more on the storytelling level of “The Shining” and less on the level of “Cell.”  Because, damn, I hated that book.

Also read an article today that is a little funny, a little pathetic, and not at all surprising.  Apparently there is a certain Army vet that keeps being declared dead and losing his pension.  Four times now he has had to go and let them know that he is not dead.  The end of the article really made me laugh, “A VA spokesman told WESH 2 News that the organization was looking into the case.  Miller said he asked his congressman to do the same, but so far, being alive has not been sufficient proof that he is not dead.”

That’s our government for you.

As a chaotic-neutral, I have to approve with the Occupy Wall Street movement on the basis that it is a break from the status quo.  I love when things get shaken up, whether good or bad.  Most of the reason a zombapocalypse sounds so exciting to me is it would shake stuff up on a world-wide scale.

I know, I’m weird.

Generally speaking, of course, people are too lazy or apathetic or whatever other synonym you would like to use to get angry enough about a particular grievance to do something to change it.  Finally OWS appears. These people are angry.  They have been out there protesting for months.  Their passion has not dwindled despite the passing of time and the dropping temperatures [seriously OWSers, why didn’t you do start this in the summer?].  I think this is something to be commended.

But that is where I stop giving them credit.

OWS needs a statement of purpose.  They have the country’s attention, but they are not doing anything constructive with it, other than pointing out the woeful training of police officers in handling peaceful demonstrations.

Occupiers, we do not know what you want.  I understand that this started as a horizontal movement, but you really need to get some clear direction here.  No one is going to take you seriously, otherwise.

I’ve got a few ideas to start you off:

• Abolish lifetime appointments for Supreme Court justices
• Revoke corporations’ “rights” to be counted as people
• Change Congressional salaries so that the approval rating from their constituents coincides with the percentage of their pay they receive

That last one is especially important because there needs to be some serious repercussions for those idiots when they decide to declare pizza a vegetable.  I’m sorry.  I am exaggerating.  They want to declare the tomato sauce on pizza a vegetable.  Because that sounds so much better.

This is wrong on so many levels, not the least of which is tomatoes are a fruit.

Today’s Stupid Question Winner:
I called a branch to find out what advisor a rep number belonged to.  [We call when a trade comes to us with a number that isn't in our system.]  I give the lady the number and she responded, “Oh, I don’t know that one.  Is it new?”

Lady, how the hell would I know that?  Is it new? I replied, “It’s new to me.”

I am actually starting to think that this particular number is cursed, and I shall never learn the advisor’s name.  The first time I called this branch, it rang and rang without an answer.  The next day I called again and, while talking with the woman, her computer crashed.  I agreed to hold while she rebooted.  She came back on the line five minutes later saying the computer still wasn’t operational and to call back the next day.  I called back the next day, being today, and got the stupid question.  Another woman is filling in today and doesn’t know who that number belongs to.  She told me to try back on Monday.

Perhaps on Monday when I call the entire office will spontaneously combust.  Or perhaps I will continue to call, day after day, mishap after mishap, until the advisor in question dies and renders the code completely useless.

Only time will tell.

In less cursed news, I ordered some yellow pads and Extra Special Pens so that I can hand write my stories.  I’ve decided that attempting to write a first draft electronically sucks any and all creative energy right out of you.  I stare at the blank Microsoft Word [or OpenOffice, if I'm using the laptop] screen and watch the cursor taunt me with its monotonous existence.

After awhile of this, I then suddenly decide that it is vitally important for me to see what is happening on Facebook RIGHT THIS MINUTE.  I get distracted by pictures of cute babies or furry animals, which leads to more pictures and eventually YouTube videos.  Once I start watching YouTube videos of cute animals I can’t stop.  I’ll watch for hours.  When I do finally tire of watching YouTube videos [or have watched them all--whichever comes first], I will close the browser.  I will close Word/OpenOffice.  I will play Plants vs. Zombies.

Contrary to what others may have told you, this behavior is not conducive to writing.

But now I have paper and Extra Special Pens!  I can distance myself from all things electronic and let the inspiration flow through me.  Assuming there is inspiration.

At the very least I could make a grocery list.

First off, the doctor appointment went all right.  She thinks it’s just a cyst and shouldn’t be too big a deal.  I have to get an ultrasound done to make sure though.  Feeling better about the whole thing now.

—-

Here’s something that I haven’t yet blogged about and kind of can’t believe that I let it slip past me: May 21st’s Rapture.

“But Teri, that is over and done with.  Old news!” says you.  It’s true that the proposed Rapture Day came and went without so much as a hiccup, but Harold Camping hasn’t given up.  He has decreed that May 21st was more spiritual than physical, and that the end of the world will still happen on October 21st, 2011.

For a supposed Bible expert, it’s pretty clear that he hasn’t read much of the Bible.  So let’s talk about what the End Times are, and what they are not because there are some people who need serious help on that point.  Specifically the people who pay atheists to watch their pets after the Rapture happens damn do I wish I had come up with the idea first] and the people who maxed out their credit cards in anticipation of May 21st.  My question to you: just how stupid are you?

Here’s what we really know about the End Times:
–”But of that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but the Father alone.” [Mark 13:32]
–A world leader will rise up and restore peace in the Middle East
–The Jews will regain control of Jerusalem
–A One-World government will begin with the world leader to rule it – this is the Anti-Christ
–A tribulation will take place that will last for seven years.  This is going to be a truly terrible time on Earth.
–Note: there are different theories as to when the Rapture will take place: before the tribulation, halfway through the tribulation, and at the end of the tribulation.  Whenever it is, all believers in Christ will be taken up to Heaven.

[Side note:  All of these events are based on the Bible.  You might not believe in the Bible or that any of the events will occur.  And that's okay--I'm not trying to make you believe anything.  But when a man predicts a Christian event, he better make damn sure it's based on Christian theology.]

Now, if it sounds like *ANY* of these events have occurred, by all means, commence freaking out in the days prior to October 21st.  The world is going to end.  Say your “I love yous”, spend all your money, and kiss your ass goodbye.

However, on October 22nd, the rest of us are all going to laugh at you.