As a lover of all things music, Lollapalooza is wonderful.  As a worker in the hospitality field, Lollapalooza is utter hell.  I will now list some of the more humorous moments.

–An ambulance was called for a guest who was jumped because he owed the wrong people some money and couldn’t pay it.  The “wrong people” were then arrested by the Chicago Police Department.
–A group of underage idiotboys trashed a large conference room Saturday night.  They knocked over tables, sprayed some fire extinguishers, and broke dishes.  They returned to the scene of the crime Sunday to do the same thing and were arrested by the Chicago Police Department.
–A guy mugged another guy right in the hotel lobby and didn’t even bother trying to escape.  He was arrested by the Chicago Police Department who were in the same lobby, finishing up with the teenage idiotboys.
–Guests in a room kept partying despite mutliple complaints and warnings.  They were not arrested by the Chicago Police Department, but the police did escort the noisy people from the building.

And the weekend’s winner:
–A guest returned to their hotel room to find an Evian bottle filled with urine.  I am not kidding.

The entire hotel is trashed from these people.  I seriously think we would have fared better had we booked the hotel full of barnyard animals. 

[The MPAA has rated the following blog entry R for Strong Language, Brief Nudity, and Stylized Sci-Fi Violence.  Okay, really just for the language.]

Angry guests piss me off.  But there comes a point where a guest becomes so enraged that the whole situation becomes incredibly hilarious.  Take last night, for example.

A guest came down with a legitimate complaint.  His keycard wasn’t working, and he’d been to the front desk three times that day alone to get a new key made.  He was frustrated that they weren’t working, and I can understand that.  I would be too.  I made a new card and called the Engineer to meet him at his room to take a look at the door lock–pretty standard procedure.

The guest returns a moment later, surpassing pure frustration and well on his way to outright anger, saying his key still isn’t working.  I told him the Engineer is on his way and will be able to tell him better than I could what the problem is with the door lock.

Guest: “Bullshit.  You’re not doing anything.”
[New Guy Eric steps up to the front desk.]
NGE: “Sir, I’m sorry for this frustration.  The Engineer is…”
Guest: [Gives a long tirade with a lot of bad words about how crappy this hotel is and how angry he is.  I began getting mental images of a stapler bouncing off of the man's forehead and stepped away from the front desk.  I radioed the engineer again and ask him to come to the desk, instead of meeting the guest at his room.  I came back into hearing range.]
Guest: “…and then this girl here…” [pointing at me]
Me: “Excuse me?”
Guest: “You fucking knew a new key card wouldn’t do anything.  This is such bullshit.”
Me: “Sir, you don’t speak to me like that.”

The Engineer finally showed up at the desk, and he and a security guard went with the guest to his room.  Another minute later the guest was back at the desk, having graduated from anger to a full-blown childlike temper tantrum.  Sam, the manager, went out this time.

Guest: “I want to know what you’re going to do about this right now.  I want compensated for this!”
Sam: “I am only authorized to give small room adjustments.  If you want something more, you have to talk to the General Manager.”
Guest:  “This isn’t good enough!  I’m not paying for this!  All your employees here are dumbasses!  This is fucking bullshit!”
[At this point, NGE and I are in the back laughing hysterically.  Seriously, a grown man screaming and banging on the desk.]
Sam: “They are not dumbasses, sir.  They are trying to do their job.”
Guest: “I want in my fucking room!”
Sam: “I will call the Engineer and see what is happening.”
Guest: “I don’t see you calling him!  You aren’t doing anything!”
Sam: “I have to get the radio, sir.  If you’ll just let me.”
Guest: “Bullshit you’re doing something!”
[The guest continues to yell and scream and swear for several minutes.  I called the Engineer from the back to check the status.  Engineer said the door is open and good to go.  I told Sam.]

The guest stalks off and we watch, on camera, as he kicks over a planter in the lobby.  He continues to kick things, and hit some wall sconces as he walks down the long hallway back to his section of the hotel.  He goes into his elevator and perhaps ten or twenty seconds later we get a call from the room next to his, complaining that there’s a lot of banging and screaming.  The room on the floor above calls another second later to complain about the same guest.  Security goes up.

Already long story short, this guest, who wanted an adjustment on his room for the hassle he went through, has racked up several hundred dollars of damage due to the things he hit and kicked in the hallway, and the destruction he caused in his hotel room (he actually tore his room door off of its hinges and shattered the bathroom mirror, cutting his hand).  

To the best of my knowledge, the guest has now calmed down (spending an hour with the head of security might have contributed to this).  I am quite thankful that I won’t be around when this guy checks out in the morning, but us employees had a great time laughing about it tonight.  I mean, it’s a keycard.  In the grand scheme of things, it’s pretty insignificant.

I really hope that guy doesn’t have kids.

Have you ever seen a sign or warning so stupid and wondered what on earth someone had to have done for the warning to have been made in the first place?  Last night I found one of the guys responsible for those idiotic warnings.

An Asian twenty-something came to the desk and very proudly announced that he won a slot-type video game at the bar and wanted to collect his credit of 9-4-2.  (I’m assuming he means dollars and not something ridiculous like toothpicks or hotel keys–though I do have access to a significant number of both.)  His accent was so thick and his request so bizarre that he had to repeat himself several times before I could understand that he wanted me to give him money for winning.  I replied with something profound, such as, “Uh, no we don’t do that.  It’s not real.”

The guy was heartbroken, understandably, but finally left me alone.  His friend came over minutes later, however, quite angry. 

Guy:  “I am a little bit tipsy, but we won that machine and I want the money.”
Me:  “It’s just a game.  There aren’t real cash prizes.”
Guy:  “No, I won.  You need to pay me now.”
Me:  “Sir, let me get my manager.”
Guy:  “I don’t want a manager.  I want you.  The machine is in your hotel and I won.  You have to give me money.”

Fortunately for me, my manager heard the exchange and came out to join us.  He spent a good five or ten minutes explaining to the guy that gambling in Chicago is illegal and it is only an arcade game, not an actual means of gambling. 
Guy:  “But then you should have a sign saying you can’t win money.  There is no sign.  How do people know this?”
Manager:  [shrugs] “Everybody knows.  You can’t gamble here.”
Guy:  “Next time I stay here, I want to see a sign on the machine.”
Manager:  “Okay, sir.”

So now I guess we’ll put something up that says, “NOT REAL!!  No money will be won in the process of playing this game.”  You wouldn’t think you’d need that on an arcade game, but there’s a first for everything. 

Oh, and starting out with “I’m a little bit tipsy,” is not the best way to get me to take you seriously.  Don’t worry, I’ll know without you having to say a thing.

I have survived my second New Year’s Eve at the hotel. I do not believe this to be some small feat. Though the hotel was busier than last year, it seemed a lot easier because I knew what to expect. Last year came out and blind-sided me like a friggin’ Mack truck. I managed to keep a good mood the entire night, despite the following:

Police on premises: 11
Fights broken out: 2
Guests swearing at me: 3
Gave “Amanda” as my name: 3
Bottles broken: 8
Petty Theft attempts: 1 (a small plant thing off the front desk. Come on, now. Who the heck wants an ugly hotel plant thing?)
Times Hit On: 0 (Whoo-hoo! I did not have the patience needed to repeatedly refuse annoyingly drunk men. It takes more out of you than one might think.)

Andrea had never seen me handle angry guests and she later confessed that I freaked her out. When a guest is yelling at me, or being obnoxious for any other number of reasons, I completely shut off emotionally. I become this weird, detached robot. I don’t flinch when they yell, but I don’t take any crap either. I simply walk away to the back and call Security for them to get the guest the hell away from me. Or at least that’s what I did with a drunk very-not-nice-word last night.

Here’s a picture I took during one of the many times the police were called to the hotel. You can mostly make them out–I don’t know what was happening with the lighting.

Also of note: someone threw a bottle of champagne through the outer window into the hotel sales office. Yes, you read that correctly. Threw it. Through the window.

Marty wasn’t too happy about that one. He’s the one on the left in that second picture.

On the fourteenth floor, someone went running around, kicking people’s room doors as hard as they could. Made a few dents, but one apparently was glass (I don’t know why–Security didn’t explain that) and the entire door sort of imploded into the room. Real nice.

What is it about the coming of a new year that makes people feel as though they have an excuse to be an inconsiderate and moronic prick? It’s a new year. Big damn deal.

Walking home and feeling incredibly lucky to have maintained my sanity, I passed evidence that at least one person had a worse night than I did. Along the street there are lines of planters which hold trees and, in warmer weather, flowers. As I walked home, I passed a twenty foot stretch of planter that was badly damaged. The metal fencing around the planter was bent in all sorts of directions, all the trees were cut out, and even a street light had been sawn off. Methinks there was an accident involving what had to have been a small pack of vehicles and that unfortunate planter.

Sorry this wasn’t very funny. My night wasn’t very funny. I have the next two nights off and am looking forward to sleeping most of today and then seeing Children of Men with some friends. The trailer looked really good.

Welcome, 2007! I’m glad you’re finally here. I have a feeling you’ll be a good year. That last sentence will probably be interpreted as sarcastic, but I really mean it. I’m looking forward to it.