Have I mentioned that I think our new apartment is haunted?  Because I do.  The guest bedroom gives me bad vibes.  I don’t know why, there’s nothing scary in there.  I hate even going to the bathroom at night because it’s right next to the guest bedroom.  I realize I’m a big pansy, but that room creeps me out.

One day while Mr. W and I were unpacking boxes in the guest bedroom, I went for one of my boxes and saw a cd laying inside on top of everything.  I don’t own any CDs [they've all been copied into my computer and then sold or given away] so I knew it wasn’t mine.  When I asked Mr. W, he said he’d never seen that CD before.  Neither of us recognized the band [and I don't remember it now].  I opened the case and there was no disc inside.  Very strange.  I threw it out.

A couple days later Mr. W noticed a tiny remote stuck in a small statue on top of the TV.  He says he must have put the statue there with the remote stuck in, not noticing, but I really don’t think it was like that before.

And I’ve been having bad dreams every night [probably because I'm creeping myself out.]  Last night I dreamed that I worked in a bar as a waitress.  I had lots of guy friends and admirers, but there was this one guy that was super creepy and started following me around.  I don’t remember much, but somehow I found out that he was a psycho stalker of the “If I can’t have her, no one can” variety.  He comes to the bar, and I *know* that this is the day when he’s going to try to hurt me.  When he’s distracted I take off running.  The bar is apparently in the middle of a huge prairie, so there aren’t many options on hiding spots.  A friend of mine has a minivan parked right next to the creepy psycho stalker’s motorcycle [with a super loud engine] and I jump in the minivan and hide between some seats.  I figure that when people are in these sorts of situations in movies they take off running and are caught.  No one ever thinks to hide super close.  The stalker realizes I’m gone, gets on his bike, and speeds off in pursuit.  I wake up.

I think, “whoo!  escaped that one!” before falling back asleep.  Totally new dream in which Mr. W and I are driving around a nice suburban neighborhood looking at houses that are for sale.  We look through one and get back in the car as the stalker rides by on his motorcycle.  I tell Mr. W to get the hell out of there.  He seems to know who this stalker guy is and doesn’t ask questions.  I’m hoping the stalker didn’t see me, but he turns around and begins to follow us.  Mr. W speeds up and is trying to lose the guy in this residential neighborhood and I wake up to the sound of my alarm.

Teri’s Current Ghost Theory: My apartment is haunted by a man who used to ride a motorcycle, had an eclectic music selection, a penchant for tiny remotes, and is able to affect my dreams.  Oh, and has both fallen in love with and wants to kill me.

The Ghosthunters TV show has me thinking I need to purchase some infrared thingamabobs and EMP whatsydosits.  However, the Paranormal Activity movie would suggest that acknowledging the spirit will make it more powerful, inevitably possessing me and causing me to kill others [sorry if I spoiled anything].  So which is it?  Paranormal Activity had a bigger budget and special effects, but I really like those Ghosthunter guys.  I’m so torn.

Still having wedding dreams.  In the first, I dreamed that my wedding party was comprised of the people in my department at work–very strange.  Also, we were all walking down the hall toward the sanctuary and I enter to see people frantically setting up tables and chairs because apparently it had been forgotten.  I’m standing in the doorway waiting to walk down the aisle and realize there’s no music because I forgot to give my brother my iPod.  I run back to the dressing room and grab the iPod from my bag.  I find my brother, who is freaking out for some reason, and give him instructions on what to do.  He runs off to the bathroom to throw up and then comes back for the iPod.  I wake up [thankfully!].

In the second dream I am opening mail and see that one of my uncles has sent me $1200 as a combination birthday and wedding present.  I was disappointed when I woke up from that one, let me tell you.

In more dream news, I had a very disturbing dream last night.  I dreamed I worked for some city government office.  There were about 30 or so people that worked in this office and it got out that the head boss guy and some receptionist chick were having an affair.  And apparently because of this affair the citizens were screwed in some deal and were pretty pissed about it.  So pissed, in fact, that they started attacking the office trying to kill everyone that worked inside.  And they were really getting into it, like crashing cars at full speed into the building in an attempt to take workers out [the citizens were never harmed by this, however].  Eventually, only me, some random dude, the head boss, and the slutty chick were left alive. The slutty chick was killed and the head boss guy got really depressed and decided to kill himself by pushing his face into a running circular saw.  I am hiding under a table trying to plug my ears while the guy screams when I wake up.

First thought, “Seriously Brain, what the hell is wrong with you?”

Second thought is that the head boss guy is Stephen Tobolowsky.

Mr. W once commented on how I am in so many of his dreams and that he wants to be in more of mine.  He should probably rethink that.

Last night I randomly dreamed that an ex from years ago wanted to meet up [which, in and of itself, is pretty strange as I haven't heard from or thought of this guy in a long ass time].  He took me to some bar so we could drink, be alone, and talk.  However, friends of his came to our table suddenly and made themselves at home.  He didn’t say anything to them [which my dream self found odd, because it was obvious he had called me there to try and "win me back" or whatever].

So the whole group of us begin doing whiskey shots and we play an elaborate card game that takes 8-10 decks of cards.  Shuffling took a while.  While they were shuffling, I went into the bar’s kitchen to chop up some vegetables for a veggie snack plate.  ’Cause nothing goes with whiskey shots like green peppers and cherry tomatoes.  Right.

I get back to the table and it’s my turn to shuffle [maybe that's all the card game was...watching people try to shuffle that many cards].  I am trying to manage all the cards, which wakes me up.  I think: “Really, Brain?  You have the power to give me dreams about sex with Gerard Butler, and this is what you pick instead?  It’s like I don’t know you at all!”

 I had a dream the other night that Paige was going to a job interview and I was going with her for moral support. We’re sitting in some hard plasticy chairs in a large waiting room area for what must have been a pretty happening job, because there were lots of people in the waiting area.

Paige and I are talking, minding our own business when the woman sitting next to me (a very large Hispanic woman with a hair weave) tells me that she doesn’t like how I am sitting and asks me to uncross my arms.

I surprise myself with my ballseyness when I reply, "F*** off, it’s not affecting you."

The woman leans over and physically tries to pull apart my arms. I resist, telling her to get the hell off me. She bends down and actually bites my arm. (Not only is my dream-self ballsey, she also has a high pain threshhold, because it didn’t really hurt all that much. Well, either than or the woman was a pansy.) I yelp in surprise. I am starting to get angry. I pull out my cell phone to call the police because I will be damned if some crazy lady can just bite me for no reason.

The woman tries to take my cell phone away and bites me again when I resist. Paige recovers from the shock of what’s happening and tries to help me fend off the woman while I’m talking to a 9-1-1 dispatcher to get some police over here. The woman bites me one final time (I swear over the phone, then apologize to the dispatcher. The thought briefly enters my end about what this recording would sound like if it makes the news.) before she gets up and makes a beeline for the front doors.

Hell no, I think, this flabby freak is going down. I follow her outside to see she is getting in a car. I start reading off the license plate number to the dispatcher (E-L-H-1…) when I wake up.

I told my roommates about the dream and they think the cat, Ashland, was biting me while I slept (she is known for this). Exactly where the large Hispanic with a weave fits in, however, I haven’t the foggiest.

Okay, the accounting dreams need to stop.  They keep me tossing and turning, so that by the time my alarm sounds at 6am I feel like I’ve gotten a collective two hours of sleep.

And they aren’t even cool accounting dreams–like I’m an accountant superhero zipping around corporations and saving them from evil IRS schemes by rebalancing their income statements.  No, it’s just me making sales of something that costs $5,000 and entering the amount into various columns.  Over and over.  All night.

Oh well.  Only two more weeks to go and then I can start dreaming about whatever Managing Decision Models will evoke.