Like, Superheroes

I was just in an elevator with two other women who were having a discussion on food and dieting and [I swear I am not exaggerating] I overheard this:
“It’s like, you know, like you want to eat, like bad on like weekends, but then like on Monday you’re like, like I want to eat better, you know?  Like, you’re going to like stick to it.”

I’ll admit I wanted to trip her as she stepped out of the elevator.  Maybe she’d bust her lip and be unable to talk for a while.  I’d be doing an act of service, really.

Speaking of acts of service, Paige and I have comprised a male rating system based on Superheroes.  I am including a quiz here.  I’d appreciate it if you would take it with a current or previous relationship in mind (or even several times for several different relationships).  Reply with your answers (you don’t have to name the guy), let me tabulate your result, and we can both see just how accurate this is!  If at all!  And yes, I realize that this list is for women/gay men.  Paige and I are in the process of developing one with female answers, but it’s a little harder and taking a little longer.  It’s only 8 questions… do it!

1.) The first date: which scenario is closest?

A. In an effort to please you, he spent the evening taking you to places that you actually couldn’t care less about.
B. Nice dinner, flowers, walk in the park, held hands
C. Coffeehouse.  Nice music, good conversation.  No real physical contact
D. Flowers, dinner, too shy to make the first move–it was up to you
E. A Saturday lunch, bowling, won you a stuffed animal from a machine.  Very interested in making out
F. Cheap dinner and a movie.  Clumsily tried to kiss you after
G. You don’t really remember because things are so different now
H. Not really a date.  You met at a party and ended up going back to his place where you stayed the whole night.
I. Fancy restaurant, lots of alcohol, turned you on then had to go inexplicably.
J. Dive bar/restaurant with good music and awesome food.  Kisses you at the end but didn’t push anything
K. Showed up late, extravagant dinner, opera, probably had to duck out early
L. Quick bite to eat and then it’s back to his place.  You didn’t end up staying the whole night.

2.) How is he in the dating relationship?

A. tender-hearted
B. absent
C. timid
D. aloof
E. needy
F. spontaneous
G. analytical
H. manipulative
I. dramatic
J. selfish
K. romantic
L. reliable

3.) Sex with him is usually:

A. a production
B. all about you
C. traditional
D. all about him
E. unfulfilling
F. clumsy
G. kinky
H. emotionless
I. emotional
J. gentle
K. like he’s reading your mind
L. animalistic
M. in your head — it hasn’t happened yet
N. in his head — it hasn’t happened yet

4.) After sex he typically:

A. Likes to cuddle, but not so big with the talking.
B. Likes to cuddle/talk.
C. Tosses you your clothes.
D. Falls asleep.  You wonder, “that was it?”
E. Puts one arm around you and falls asleep.
F. Leaves the room to finish up a project for work.
G. Spoons.
H. You have no idea what he’s doing–you are blissed out.
I. Unties you, rolls over, and falls asleep.
J. Congratulates himself on his performance, rolls over, and falls asleep.
K. Cries and wants to talk all night long about feelings.
L. Asks you if it was okay.
M. No idea.  It hasn’t happened yet.
N. No idea.  He keeps trying, but you’re waiting

5.) Your favorite thing about him?

A. He’s the perfect gentleman.
B. He’s a lot of fun to be around.
C. He is passionate about teaching others.
D. He’s so dominant.
E. His eagerness and excitement are endearing.
F. He stimulates your mind.
G. All he wants is sex.
H. He wears his heart on his sleeve.
I. He’s so persistent.
J. He can always make you laugh.
K. His size.
L. He needs you.

6.) Your biggest complaint against him?

A. You think he might be bi-polar.
B. Too much rule-following.  Live a little!
C. He’s always so busy.
D. You can’t keep up with him.
E. He has no idea what he’s doing.
F. You’re not sure if he even cares.
G. You feel like you are not an intellectual match.
H. He doesn’t ever take control.
I. You feel like you’re not in control.
J. Romance is nice but the incessant mooning, not so much.
K. You are so done with the melodrama.
L. All he wants is sex.

7.) You want things to get more serious, his reaction?

A. He laughs in your face.
B. He needs to think about it and will end up breaking things off “for your own good”.
C. He immediately agrees only to come back later with “I’ve made a huge mistake”.
D. He doesn’t see why it’s necessary.
E. He’d thought it all out prior to this and had reached the same conclusion.
F. He gets so happy that he starts crying.  He says he’ll never let you leave him.
G. He isn’t ready for something serious right now.
H. He needs to think about it, but will end up agreeing.
I. Actually, it wasn’t so much your idea as you felt pulled toward it by him.
J. He all but pulls out a wedding ring (or maybe even does that).
K. He’s the one that asked, you didn’t even have to bring it up.
L. He gives a long-winded speech about life, gets flustered, and flees.

8.) Uh-Oh, it’s time to break up.  His reaction?

A. He takes it like a man, but will love only you for the rest of his life.
B. He dramatically curses the sky and punches something.
C. Are you kidding?  He is the one that ended it.
D. He throws a tantrum.
E. He has no emotional reaction one way or the other.
F. He begs and pleads with you not to leave him.  When that doesn’t work he begins to stalk you.
G. He listens to your reasoning, accepts it as your decision.
H. He is absolutely heart-broken and becomes depressed.
I. He points to the door and reminds you that you were never in a relationship.
J. He is way ahead of you and has already begun working on someone new.
K. He tells you he will always love you and has a tendency to keep popping into your life.