Know Your Candidates: Teri’s Policies

If I were running for President, I’d make my platform surround the idea of Universal Sterilization.  It’s kinda like Universal Healthcare, except without the healthcare.  We would get some sort of technology going that we can implement at the birth of every child that would render them sterile.  Nothing permanent, mind you, but something in the way of a “sterile wall” or “blockage”.

Then when a person comes of age, and wants to have children, they have to undergo both thorough background checks and I.Q. testing to determine if they would make a fit parent.  If so (and both partners would have to pass these checks successfully), this “sterile wall” would be removed and they may procreate.

This minuscule loss of civil rights would reap tremendous benefits, mainly in the way of a zero abortion rate, and zero children growing up in poverty or in foster care.  Some might argue that with pregnancy no longer a concern, many adolescents would run rampant in the streets, sleeping with anything that moves.  I, however, disagree.  I believe that the threat of STDs are more powerful than pregnancy ever was.  To avoid pregnancy (or at least receive peace of mind that you’re avoiding pregnancy) all you need is a condom.  Not so with the STD, my friend!  Ho ho!

With Universal Sterilization we would, of course, implement my Scary STD Education Policy.   This policy would consist mainly of a guy coming into classrooms and having his arm fall off in front of elementary school students while gushing blood and screaming about syphillis and saying, “THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T HAVE SEX!”  It would leave a lasting visual that the child can turn to later in life.

There simply is no downside to my plan for Universal Sterilization.

Also, um, no new taxes.  That arm guy works really cheap.