One thing that I struggle with is finding contentment. Being happy with things the way they are instead of looking at the hundreds of different ways that they are not. I’m not sure exactly how to do this, so if anyone has tips consider me all ears. I know that I would be a lot happier as a person if I could look around me and think, “This is pretty dang good, what I have here” instead of always thinking, “I’ll be happier when this is done / when I’m thinner / when I’m richer / when [insert life checkpoint here].” Nothing is ever good enough, which leaves me unhappy and, quite frankly, pretty damn tired. It takes a lot of energy, this never measuring up business.
I am proud of the fact that I have written a book. I know it isn’t easy. Not everyone can do it. But I still have the negative voices in my head:
- “Yeah, but it you don’t have an agent.”
- “Yeah, but it isn’t published.”
- “Yeah, but who knows if anyone will like it.”
I’m sure that if I ever DO get and agent and DO get it published, my voices will start with:
- “Yeah, but it’s only one book.” or
- “Yeah, but [other book title] is so much better.” or
- “Yeah, but you could have earned more money.”
Just a guess.
The book I talked about in my last post has certainly gotten the thought-train rolling on this topic, and has been helpful. I realize it’s a process, and I won’t wake up one morning and suddenly be one of those Disney characters that sing with the birds and life is wonderful. But, for the moment, it’s kind of become another to add to the negative voice checklist: “I’ll be happier when I learn to be more content.”