I have decided that my favorite season is winter. I realize that this statement may confuse you. Based on my many past complaints condeming snow and cold, one could assume that winter would be my least favorite season and not favorite. My reason is one-fold: I hate bugs. I hate bugs more than cold and snow combined. In the winter, bugs are dead. Ergo, I love winter more than any other season.
I may be exaggerating a tad, but as there was just a big spider next to my arm and I yelped for the nearest guy to come kill it [which he did, that wonderful guy I don’t know] this hatred for bugs is more fresh in my mind than my hatred for snow.
I think we should start a lobbyist organization to destroy all bugs. They aren’t good for anything besides scaring me. I realize that bees make honey, but I don’t eat honey. And I know about them pollinating flowers, but I think if we, as a human race, committed ourselves to it we could handle that little ol’ job of pollination. There ain’t nothing that bee can do that I can’t with a magnifying glass and a Q-tip.
The only other problem I can see with getting rid of all bugs is what frogs and anteaters would eat. How about they become herbivores? Or perhaps we suggest to them that they eat each other? I think I make a good case for the doing away of bugs. To anyone who thinks I’m not, here are my three closing arguments – 1.) Earwigs (pincher bugs), 2.) Silverfish, and 3.) Cockroaches.
Thank you and good night.