A Chef, I am Not

Wow, I missed a lot. My internet has been down the past few days and I was off work (read “internet haven”). My internet is something that has caused me nothing but grief. I connect wirelessly, from Tim’s broadband. Usually, there is a little green icon acting as a service indicator, so I know I’m online. The icon alternates between green, yellow and red depending on the signal. Once I sat, quite annoyed, and watched the icon switch back and forth like a traffic light on speed–earning itself a spot on the “Top Ten Things Tormenting Teri” list right above Buddy-the-Cat. For the past four days, that icon has been a solid red for no apparent reason other than to mock me.

Shannon, is having a house-warming/Christmas party this Sunday night. In an effort to be helpful, I went over to her apartment yesterday to help her bake holiday treats for the party. It served as a further reminder that I am, in no way, a chef. I don’t know the difference between chopping and dicing and please don’t even get me started on using dashes of things. It’s a foreign language. My philosophy is, “If the microwave can’t do it, I sure as hell can’t either.”

But while I’m no good at being in charge in the kitchen, I can assist like no body’s business. Things like “hand me that bowl” and “set the timer” are right up my alley.

One thought on “A Chef, I am Not

  1. you said, and i quote, "i can assist like no body's business."
    no body? what is your body's business, praytell? and what is it that you can assist that's better than a body's business?
    (lol — i'm just making fun of your bad grammar — it's one word babe. nobody.) HEY! maybe that can me this months common confusions in your paper!
    "Nobody cares if there is no body in the morgue tonight." or even "A soul ascending to heaven is no body's business!" LOL (get it? cause if it's your soul, then your body can't be there too… ha ha ha haaaa…..)

What do you think?